My girl Bri (who has a sick blog you should check out) is a hard working musical theater woman who has auditions coming up. She's in need of monologues for these auditions. Bri stepped her game up and went to Borders where she found a great book of Monologues. It's my duty bloggers to give you an excerpt of two of these blogs!

WARNING THESE QUOTES ARE OUT OF CONTROL AND MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN


DEN OF THIEVES
By: Stehpen Adly Guirgis

Comic
The woman's name is Boochie! (yea Boochie!) twenties

This is a little of what Boochie has to say:

"Society would suffer if I die for multiples of reasons. Number One: As an exotic dancer I bring smiles to the faces of many sad lonely mens, and sometimes womens too if they into that. Number three I am extremely fly- as you definitely noticed- maybe n the top ten of the flyest women in the city, and if they serious about keeping New York beautiful then they gotta keep me around, right?...I'm also a sexual surrogate, when means I teach mens to fuck fr educationalism, which is important to society since I teach mens to fuck better and God knows womankind could more mens who fuck better-"

I couldn't say it better myself Boochie.

Onto a holier monolouge, the only holy part is the title.

THE LAST DAYS OF JUDAS ISCARIOT
By: Stehpen Adly Guirgis

Comic
Saint Monica, could be any age, but in New York production was played by a woman in her twenties.

Saint Monica is a very sassy woman, who could be any age, or any race. In "real life" she was the mother of St. Augustine. We are in the After Life , and there has been a petition to reopen the case of Judas Iscariot. Saint Monica is very much in support of this petition.


SAINT MONICA: "Hey, y'all. Welcome to my world...So this is the part of the story, where, if it wasn't for me, there wouldn't be no more parts to the fuckin' story. OK? My name is MONICA - better known to you mere mortals as SAINT Monica. Yeah, dass right, SAINT - as in "better not don't get up in my grill 'cuz I'll mess your shit up I'm a Saint and I got madly saintly "connects" OK?....Anyways, Up in Heaven, a lotta people don't wanna hang with me 'cuz they say I'm a "Nag", It's true. And you know what I say about that? I say; "Fuck them bitches," 'cuz - you know what - I am a Nag, and if I wasn't a nag, I wouldn't never made it to be no Saint, and the church wouldn't a had no Father of the Church named Saint Augustine - 'cuz I birthed that mothahfuckah, raised him and when he started messin' up, like all the time constantly. I nagged God's ass to save him!"

This is her fuckin' world.

I hope it makes you laugh like I did.